


Another Day

by MalfoyIsOurKing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 18:40:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7982017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalfoyIsOurKing/pseuds/MalfoyIsOurKing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The guilt of the war loomed over Harry as he returned to Hogwarts for his Eighth and final year. Thinking he wouldn't be able to do it, he found comfort in the strangest of people. But for how long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"_

_"-it's too late, Harry."_

_"We can still reach him-" Harry struggled hard and viciously but Lupin would not let go ..._

_"There's nothing you can do, Harry ... nothing ... he's gone."_

Harry sprang from bed, sweaty and panting like he just ran a marathon. He soon realized, the sweat on his face was actually tears. That didn't surprise him, though, it wasn't the first time he woke like that. Neither was it the first time he dreamt of when Sirius fell through the veil. It was a recurring dream of his, along with some more death scenes. He took a deep breath and cast a _Tempus_ to check what time it was. 5:26am.

He sighed and got up from bed, looking around Sirius's newly refurbished and redecorated room. Maybe that's why he keeps getting that nightmare, he is sleeping in Sirius's room. Even though it looks nothing like the old room he found ravished when he and his friends hid in Grimmauld Place

He turned the light on and looked around the room. This was his safe place for the summer. Where he'd go when socializing wasn't necessarily his dream. He went to his room when things got hard, but now he was going away. Back to what was once his home; Hogwarts.

He packed his things and the needed books (which he has gotten on a trip to Diagon Alley with Hermione and Ron), his new robes and some of his Quidditch stuff. His clothes were already packed so he locked his trunk and carried it downstairs to the kitchen. He checked his watch, it was 6am.

"Master Potter! Why haven't you called Kreacher to help you with your belongings? Kreacher would have helped Master," Kreacher the house-elf said at the sight of Harry carrying his trunk into the corridor.

"It's okay, Kreacher, I can do it myself."

"Master ought to hide that," Kreacher said, pointing at Harry's wrist, "Miss Granger has informed Kreacher of her visit at 7 o'clock. Kreacher doesn't want Master to be in a uncomfortable situation."

"Thank you, Kreacher. I will go change, you can lay out some snacks for Hermione. Ron is probably coming too, so set out 3 plates," Harry said. He left his trunk in the middle of the kitchen, knowing Kreacher will put it to the side. He ran up the stairs to his room and opened his drawers. They weren't filled with many clothes, having packed most into his trunk, but also because he didn't think he deserved having a lot of things. He didn't deserve treating himself. He only bought things which were crucial, not those which he wanted.

He grabbed a long sleeved blue top from his drawer and threw it on his bed. He sat down and looked at his wrist. Red scars were going across the width of it. The red lines overlapping and on top of older, faded scars. That was on both of his wrists. He took off his short sleeve shirt and walked over to a mirror in the corner of his room. He looked at his reflection, scars all sizes across his ribs and sides. He ran his hands over his thighs. Hidden by his jeans were more scars across his thighs.

He went to his bathroom where he retrieved his razor, which he realised he'd forgotten to pack. He did this every morning, he needed a confirmation that he was still alive and in charge of his life. Not only that, but also he had to feel the pain. The guilt of everything always overwhelmed him, and he felt like it flowed away with the blood. New guilt came into his system every morning, which he also had to dispose of. It was a daily routine. 

He looked down at the 6 new scars on his right wrist. The blood was flowing freely and he let it. It calmed him to see it. He heard Kreacher from the bottom of the stairs, calling that _Master Harry, I have made your breakfast._

Harry grabbed his wand and pointed it at his wrist. He cleaned the blood and made the wounds stop bleeding, but didn't heal them. He looked back at the mirror and sighed.

He shook his head, looking away from the mirror, he walked back to the bed. He quickly threw on the long sleeve shirt and checked his watch. It was 6:20, 40 more minutes until Hermione came over. He sighed and walked down to the kitchen once more, sitting down at the table in front of the food Kreacher has prepared for Harry.

It was like this every day, he would wake up at some ungodly hour because of a nightmare, he would go downstairs and Kreacher would inform him of anything he missed or any firecalls he didn't take. Harry would go back up to his room to relieve himself of the guilt, before going back down to breakfast that Kreacher prepared.

Harry didn't know exactly how this routine started, but he was happy that it did. He felt relaxed having it the same everyday, it almost felt like he was normal.

He ate small bites of the toast that Kreacher set out, but didn't touch the eggs. He ate in silence as Kreacher spoke to himself in the kitchen. Kreacher finally descended from the kitchen and looked at Harry with concern.

"Master Potter, Kreacher must insist Master eats more. Yesterday Kreacher barely saw Master eat. Kreacher only wants the best for Master," Kreacher said as he was how little Harry ate.

"I'm alright Kreacher. Just not hungry," Harry lied, he was hungry beyond believe, but he felt like if he ate too much, he might throw up with the stress of going back to school.

"Master, if Master gives Kreacher permission, may Kreacher ask a question?"

"Sure."

"Why does Master hurt himself? Kreacher never saw any other of his Masters do so, Kreacher is simply confused and concerned for Master's well-being."

"I don't want to talk about that, but thank you for the concern, I'm fine,"

"If Master says so. Kreacher is sorry for the invasion of privacy," Kreacher walked away.

Harry looked down at his breakfast with tired eyes, he lately only got about 4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes he manages 6 but still doesn't feel refreshed. He pushed the eggs around the plate, taking some on his fork and forcing himself to eat. What would Hermione say if she saw him like this? Barely eating, covered in scars. She would be disappointed. She would make him go out everyday, eat healthily and go to her everyday for daily scar checks. That was one reason why he didn't tell her. Another i because he didn't want to put the weight of his problems on another persons shoulders. It was his wrongs he had to pay for, he was the one that killed all those people. Without him, they would have still been alive. How the Weasley's could forgive Harry for Fred's death was a mystery to him, but he knew he never forgave himself.

He forced another mouthful of eggs into his mouth when his fireplace lit up with green fire. He turned to see Hermione walk out of the fire place, Ron right behind her.

"Hey," Harry said, struggling to swallow the eggs.

"Hey, are you ready for Eighth year?" Hermione asked excitedly as she grabbed Ron's hand.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Harry said and tried to sound a little enthusiastic, but sounding boring instead.

"Did Kreacher get these out?" Ron asked, pointing at a tray of biscuits and three cups of coffee.

"Yeah, I asked him to," Harry stood from his place at the table and grabbed a biscuit and his cup of coffee.

"Never trusted him," Ron said, sniffing in a disgusted manner.

Harry thought of that statement as a bit hurtful. As sad as it sounds, Kreacher was his only company over the summer. Hermione and Ron went on vacation to France for a 'romantic getaway', leaving Harry alone. Of course, he didn't have anything against them spending time together, but he more time apart the more depressed Harry got. He didn't know how it happened, but one day he just grabbed a razor and slashed. All his bottled up emotions exploded and he didn't have a friend to confide in, only a bloody _fucking_ house-elf.

"I trust him," Harry said, trying not to show any emotion, and drank his coffee.

"Okay, boys, time for the Burrow!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry nodded and grabbed his trunk before grabbed Hermione's hand.

The weird sensation went through him and they Disappareted from Grimmauld Place and were suddenly in the Burrow's kitchen.

* * *

 

"Here Harry, eat some-"

"Thank you, Mrs Weasley, but I've already eaten at home, I'm not hungry," Harry cut off Molly before she could finish offering some of her cooking. He really did love her food, but he had no appetite.

"But you look so skinny! You definitely lost a few pounds in the summer, you have to eat something!" Molly insisted, pushing the plate with sandwiches over to Harry.

"I'm really not hungry, Mrs Weasley," Harry smiled, but inside he was thinking of a way out of there.

He loved the Burrow and the Weasley's, but he was already there for two hours and his patience was running out. If he got a Galleon for every time Molly called him skinny, he'd have more than Gringotts can hold.

"Mum, leave him alone, he isn't hungry," Ginny said, pulling the plate of sandwiches towards herself.

Molly's lips were pressed into a tight line, worthy of McGonagall, but she nodded.

The thought of McGonagall made Harry tense. He was minutes away from travelling to Hogwarts. He felt his heart pound and his palms started getting sweaty. How was he going to step inside the castle, where all those innocent people died? How was he going to sleep in that castle? If sleeping in Sirius's room give him the occasional nightmare of him dying, how many different death scenes is he going to revisit? How is he going to handle it? How was he going to look into the eyes of student's who's siblings died because of him?

He felt a hand grip his elbow and turned to see Hermione looking at him, worried.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

"Yeah, I just.. I need to go outside, get some fresh air," Harry stood from the table, drawing all the eyes to him, but met none. He turned from the table and walked out of the Burrow.

He walked a bit more before sitting down on the grass. He looked around and realised that he was in the same place that the wedding took place. He sighed a he remembered how the party was stopped because of him.

He felt like where ever he went, he would always have bad memories surrounding the place. He couldn't even be happy in the place he loved, the Burrow, because all he thought about was Fred, and how losing him destroyed the family.

George was barely around, he spent all his time in the joke shop, perfecting the content of his store or putting the plans he and Fred made of new products to life. Everyone knew he was trying to get his mind off things, but sometimes that wasn't enough. Everyone was wrecked after the war, the Weasley's spent 2 weeks after Fred's funeral to get back to their usual selves, which Harry thought was way too soon, considering how badly he's taking the deaths of people he wasn't even related to.

"What happened in there?" A voice, he recognised as Ginny's, said from behind him.

"I'm just really... stressed," Harry said, it was a lie, but it was far from the truth.

"Me too," She admitted, sitting down next to him.

"I don't know how I'm going to do it," Harry said, he found Ginny to be a person he most opened up to, probably because she knew how he felt with Voldemort in his head, but also because she was a good listener and often gave him good advice, "I don't know how I'm going to go back there."

"You'll have to be brave about it," She said, "I'm worried too. I don't know what to expect from it, but I'm going to face whatever is thrown at me with a brave face. That's the only thing we can do. It's one more year and we don't have to go back there any more. I know you can do it, you've already been through so much."

"I know, Gin, but I just..." Harry tried look for the right word, "I'm scared. I'm scared of seeing what Hogwarts has become, and I'm scared to look at the students. I'm scared to look at the teachers, I'm scared of what I'm going to face. Voldemort looks about as threatening as a butterfly now."

Ginny chuckled a little, before putting a hand on his shoulder, "Harry, you defeated the most powerful dark wizard that the Wizarding World has seen, maybe going back and facing the aftermath of that battle scares you, but I know you can do it. I'm not going to tell you to give up and not go back, because you need to face your fears, even if it's going back to school. We're all scared of what to expect, but there's no going back now."

Harry sighed and nodded, he looked down at his watch, which read 9:40, and stood up, helping Ginny up too. They silently returned to the Burrow, where Ron and Hermione were all ready to Apparate to Platform 9 and 3/4.

"Here you are, we were about to look for you two," Hermione smiled and pointed to Harry's and Ginny's trunk that she got prepared for them, "Grab them, we're supposed to be there already."

Harry and Ginny grabbed their trunks and watched as Hermione and Ron Disaparated. Harry's anxiety started growing, but he pushed it down as he grabbed Ginny's hand and thought of his destination. Turning, he Disapparated from the Burrow.

* * *

 

Apparation combined with the stress of starting school was nearly making him sick. As he stood in front of the Hogwarts Express, he couldn't help but feel weird.

"Doesn't it feel weird to be going back to Hogwarts after everything we've been through?" Harry asked Ginny, spotting Hermione and Ron walk towards them

"Definitely feels weird," Ginny said, letting go of Harry's hand to go towards their friends. Harry followed her.

They met and without a word walked onto the train together. Harry started looking for a compartment, when he realised his friends were going in a different direction.

"Where are you guys going?" Harry shouted over the noise of everyone getting on the train.

"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry, we have prefect duties. We'll find you after, okay?" Hermione shouted back, patting Harry on the shoulder and hurrying Ron and Ginny along the narrow train.

Ginny was announced prefect when she got her letter for her 7th year, and along with Hermione and Ron's ones, they found out they will still be needed to be prefects because of the increased amount of students.

Harry sighed as he pushed past people to find an empty compartment, he had to walk through several carriages to finally find one, near the end. He relaxed into his seat as he realised that his friends probably wouldn't find him there, which, he thought, wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Harry liked being alone, how ever sad that sounded. He had time to think without any interruptions. He rolled up his right sleeve to reveal his scarred wrist, some of the scars made just hours prior. The sight of his scars often calmed him, making him remember that he had control over his life, that he could do anything. He ran his fingers over his wrist and winced as he pressed on it.

Without warning, the compartment door opened, making Harry jump and press too hard on his wrist, making it hurt even more. He frantically rolled up his sleeve as he looked up to see Draco Malfoy looking at him from under his nose.

"W-What?" Harry said, cursing himself for stuttering, "What are you doing here?"

"Prefect duties, I was assigned this carriage, thought I'd.. I want to.. talk.." Draco's voice faded as he looked at Harry's covered wrist, which he was pressing to his body.

"Talk?" Harry asked, self conscious about his wrist because of Draco's stare.

"Yeah, I just- Potter, what happened to you?" Draco asked as he saw a bit of red soaking through the thin material of Harry's sleeve.

"That's just, erm.. What do you care?" Harry said, defensively. He didn't want Draco to know he was weak.

"Why are you alone, then?" Draco asked, his tone sounded as if he was asking about the weather.

"That's none of your business," Harry kept with his defensive stance.

"You got to answer at least one question," Draco sat down opposite Harry, "Either about that blood you're trying to hide or your loneliness, choose."

"Hermione and Ron are doing prefect stuff."

"You have other friends, don't you?"

"I want to be alone. Is that a good enough answer for you?" Harry asked, throwing his arms out in emphases, but quickly remembered about the blood and crossed his arms.

Draco saw the soaked material of his sleeve, but decided not to ask questions about it, "Why?"

"Because I have a lot to think about."

"Like how to hide the blood?"

"That's off topic."

"No it isn't."

"Why do you care? Did you come here to annoy me, or do you have another reason?"

Draco sighed and looked around a bit, "I came here to apologise, for, um, everything. And ask for things to be put in the past."

"Oh," Harry thought about the offer, he surly didn't want an enemy this year, he had enough on his hands already, "It's fine. You're right, the past is the past, and we don't need the stupid rivalry this year."

"Nice to know we're on the same page," Draco nodded, he looked down to his lap then stretched his arm out, "Friends?"

"Friends?" Harry repeated, making Draco look somewhat embarrassed.

"Of course, not if the famous Harry Potter doesn't want to be friends with someone like me, you know, it's-"

"Alright," Harry grabbed Draco's hand and shook it, a bit harder than normal.

When he tried to draw his arm back, he found that Draco's grip was too tight and keeping a hold on him. Draco twisted his arm so Harry's red wrist was pointing up.

"So, are you going to tell your _friend_ what the hell happened to you?" Draco asked, he looked smug, but Harry could see a mix of interest and worry behind his eyes.

"No," Harry replied, "None of my friends know, because _nothing happened to me._ Now I have to get changed before they somehow find me here, which I know they, or rather, Hermione, will."

"Okay, you probably wouldn't want to be seen with me, so I'll go," Draco said, he let go of Harry's hand and stood up.

"Malfoy," Harry said before Draco could open the compartment door, "Don't tell anyone, about this," Harry nodded to his wrist, "I don't want to.. worry them."

"Right, now you just gave me the more reason to think something bad happened to you," Draco smirked, but saw the Harry's expression was serious, "Fine, I won't tell, but you'll have to tell me another time."

"Whatever," Harry sighed, "I have to get changed so.. bye."

"See you around, Potter."

Harry nodded and watched Draco leave the compartment. He grabbed his robes from his trunk and went to the toilet to get dressed in them. When he got back, he laid down across the seat and closed his eyes, hoping to get some more sleep than he had at night.


	2. Chapter 2

"Potter.." A voice whispered as Harry drifted back into consciousness, but kept his eyes closed, "Oi, Potter.. Get up."

Harry noticed he was being shook by the person wearing the familiar voice. He slowly opened his eyes, closing them slightly as his eyes adjusted to the light of the compartment. He looked around to find a pair of silver eyes staring at him.

"What happened?" Harry said, his voice rusty with sleep.

"We're here, time to get off," Malfoy said, taking a hand off Harry's lower leg, which he was shaking to wake him up.

"What were you doing in my compartment?" Harry asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms.

"All the other compartments were full..."

"Oh," Harry said as he started taking his trunk off the rack above his seat.

It all happened in one motion. As he was pulling his trunk out, his robe sleeves fell down his arm, exposing his wrists. He completely forgot the trunk, which was half way out of the rack, and pulled his sleeves up again. Before he had time to stop it, his trunk was falling down.

He was knocked off his feet as the trunk fell on him. He opened his eyes, which he didn't realise he closed, and saw the silver eyes looking at him again. He felt embarrassment flushing over him as he realised what Draco just witnessed.

"Whoa, Boy Who Lived just got defeated by his own trunk," Draco laughed but stretched out his hand for Harry to take. Harry took it and and stood up, setting his trunk up right and turned to Draco.

"Not a word about that to anyone," Harry said, to which Draco gasped dramatically.

"I would never tell anyone about you being beaten by a inanimate object. That's just low, who do you take me for?" Draco said even more dramatically as Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Draco Malfoy."

"Well, you got me there," Draco said, opening the compartment door, "Now get out, you're battle with the trunk will make us late."

"Stop saying it like that! It was an accident!"

"Whatever you say, Golden Boy."

* * *

"Harry! Harry, where were you?" Harry saw Hermione's hair bobbing up and down before he heard her voice. She and Ron were making their way towards Harry, who was getting his trunk off the train.

"Oh, I was... waiting for you guys in a compartment somewhere in the middle, but you never came," Harry lied as his friends caught up with him.

"Really, mate? We were looking all over. We even asked Malfoy, but he said he didn't see you," Ron said.

"We must have missed each other when I went to change into my robes," Harry said, internally thanking Draco for lying to his friends.

"Must have," Hermione nodded, "Anyway, let's hurry up and get to the carriages before they've all gone."

The boys nodded and took off after Hermione. Ron got into a conversation with his girlfriend about the new layout of the castle as Harry zoned out again and almost missed the crowd surrounding the carriages.

"What are these?"

"Why are they here?"

"What are you talking about?"

Harry and his friends approached the crowd after leaving his trunk with all the others and pushed to the front to find the source of the amazement. He saw the Thestral that pulled the carriage being pet by a few students. He looked around at all the people who are seeing them for the first time. They are so amazed by them, so amazed by a creature you can only see when you see someone die. Harry didn't know what to feel about the crowd. Angry because they were excited about death? Sad at the amount of new people who can see them? Guilty because it's his fault that they can see them?

He decided to be angry at the creatures for existing. For reminding him of all the deaths he's witnessed. For all the people he lost. He started heating up before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the dreamy face of Luna Lovegood.

"It's fascinating, isn't it?" She said in her sleepy voice, "How many people are amazed by them. If only they knew why they can see them. I don't think they would much like the sight after they find out, do you?"

"No, I don't think so," Harry simply replied and pushed his way out of the crowd to find his friends already on a carriage, waiting for him to step on. He looked back and noticed Luna was still next to him.

"Would you mind if I go in the same carriage as you? Even after the war people don't appreciate my presence very much. They don't say it, but the Wrackspurts start buzzing really fast when people are uncomfortable, you see," Luna explained as Harry lead the way to their carriage.

"Hi, Luna, it's nice to see you again," Hermione said as Luna stepped onto the carriage and sat next to Harry.

"Thank you, Hermione, I'm looking forward to going into Seventh year, although I hardly learned anything last year..." Luna said.

Hermione and Luna started their conversation about the new school year, Ron adding his opinion once in a while. Harry was quiet again, but neither Hermione nor Ron mentioned it; they were used to this behaviour. 

He thought back to his encounter with Malfoy on Hogwarts Express. He suddenly realised that their last talk wasn't like their usual arguments, Draco was playfully teasing him about his accident with the trunk, something Harry never thought would happen. Malfoy being playful with Harry? He could only imagine.

"Are you okay, Harry? You seem awfully quiet," Luna asked looked over at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just don't know what to expect from this year," Harry said, which wasn't exactly a lie, he didn't know what the castle is going to look like from the battle, or how the classes are going to go, or how he's going to sleep at night when cornered by the guilt .

"It'll be fine, Harry. We'll be right here if there's anything you need to talk about," Hermione placed a hand on Harry's knee comfortingly, which made him relax a bit as panicked thoughts of returning to school drifted through his head.

"No time for nice words, we're here," Ron said as he stood up, making Hermione take her hand off Harry for him to walk past them.

"Come on, Harry, we shouldn't be late to the feast, I expect the new Head Mistress would have a lot to talk about," Luna said, taking Harry's hand gently and leading him off the carriage.

* * *

 

Harry stared up and down the Great Hall as McGonagall was making the announcements. He decided to block out her voice and ask Hermione what she said later. He was looking down the Gryffindor table and noticed a gap that Parvati Patil made between her and Romilda Vane, wondering if something happened between them. He was confused when they started talking, not one going to sit closer. Instead they leaned towards each other and whispered a little too loud. If McGonagall noticed, she didn't stop to ask for the attention back to her speech. He wondered what might have been the reason for this, when Parvati turned towards the Entrance Hall expectedly.

Realisation hit Harry; she left the gap for Lavender Brown, Harry's classmate who was killed by Fenrir Greyback. Harry almost missed the way her eyes were twinkling with tears as she turned back to Romilda, finally closing the gap so they could speak normally. She must have remembered that her best friend isn't going to walk through the doors like she expected.

Before Harry knew it, he had tears in his eyes too. He remembered all the people who were supposed to walk through the door and sit amongst the students, laughing with their friends and complaining about the excess amount of homework set by the teachers. They were only children, they should have had long lives. They should be here, with Harry, with their friends, listening to McGonagall speak about Gordic knows what.

"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione whispered into his ear as McGonagall said something about the Forbidden Forest.

"Yeah," Harry said, but his voice breaking didn't support his answer.

"No you're not, talk to me Harr-"

"I said I'm fine!" Harry shouted, making the Headmistress stop mid-sentence and all the students look his way. He didn't waste any time in standing up and storming out the Great Hall, tears threatening to spill.

He thought about how pathetic he was. Saviour of the Wizarding World crying and making a scene like a spoilt kid denied for the first time. He really was pathetic, crying because he saw someone else crying. No, he wasn't crying because Parvati lost her best friend, he hardly knew the girl, he was crying because it was all his fault. Because it wasn't Voldemort who caused this whole thing, it was Harry. If he had just died 17 years ago in Godric's Hollow none of this would have happened. Someone else would have saved the World, someone who could deal with everything.

Before Harry knew it, he was standing in front of the Fat Lady. He stared at her silently as she smiled at him.

"Harry! How good to see you again. Unfortunately this isn't your common room any more, don't you know where your new one is?" She greeted him, way too cheerfully than he remembered her. So even the portraits pity him? What's this about? 'Hey lets all be nice to Harry Potter because he is a damaged child who can break at any minute!'. Some voice in the back of his head told him that, that isn't far from the truth, but he decided to push that voice down for now. They want to play the 'Pity Potter' game? Two can play that.

"Please, just let me in. I don't have the password, and I know it's not my common room any more, but it's one of the few places that ever felt like home," He said, her facial expression changed from sweet to 'are-you-kidding-me?', knowing it isn't working, Harry tried a different tactic, "C'mon, you know who I am, I'm not going to do anythi-"

"Are you using the 'Do-you-know-who-I-am?' on me, boy?" The Fat Lady said in disbelieve, "Well, do you know who _I_ am? I am the Gryffindor House portrait and I'm not letting anyone in without a password. Regardless of how many Dark Lord's they've defeated. Now off you go."

Harry looked down at his hands and sighed. He was disappointed that he won't see his old common room again, but deep down he was thrilled that the whole 'pity-harry-potter' thing didn't hold long with the Fat Lady.

"Can you at least tell me where my common room is?" Harry asked, trying not to sound happy when he thought more about someone actually treating him normally.

The Fat Lady looked at him from under her nose before she huffed and said, "Sixth floor on the left, next to an Armithmancy classroom, there's a door guarded by two statues, you say your password to the statues to get in. You do know your password, right?"

"No.. You wouldn't mind telling me, would you? I'm just trying to get into my comm-"

"Harry Potter, you amaze me," The Fat Lady said as she shook her head, "The password's _Bowtruckle_ , now get out of here."

Thanking her, Harry made his way to the sixth floor. Before he knew it, he was looking down the corridor at two statues holding their spears so they crossed over a door, which, Harry presumed, was to his new common room. He approached the door and saw that the spears were too high to be securely blocking the door. He was about to laugh at how stupid this was as he stretched out a hand to touch the door knob.

Before he could touch it, his hand was stopped by an invisible barrier, which reminded him very much of the basin in the cave he was in with Dumbledor 2 years ago. He sighed as he stepped back and looked at the statues.

"Bowtruckle," He said and at once the statues withdrew their spears. Harry approached the door and made for the door knob again. Relieved that he could finally touch it, he walked into the room.

All his thoughts about how the statues were probably only there for decoration stopped when he saw the room he was in. The floor was wooden and walls were stone, there was little colour except the purple rugs here and there, making no space for this room to be associated with any house. There was one couch, facing the fireplace, an armchair each side of it and a little coffee table in the middle. In the other corner of the room, there were two round tables with three chairs at each one.

There were two windows on either side of the room, one looking over at the courtyard and the rebuilt Quidditch pitch, and the other at the Forbidden Forest.

As Harry was looking around, he saw a pin board attached to the wall between two flights of stairs. He walked towards it with interest as he already saw a piece of parchment attached to it. He groaned out loud when he saw the big _"ROOM ARRANGEMENTS"_ written across the top. He knew that he'll be put in a room with someone from another house, probably Slytherin, to promote the whole 'inter-house unity' thing.

Sighing, he looked down the list to find his name. He was 5th on the list, right after _Hermione Granger and Padma Patil (Room 2),_ with the person he expected the most. Sighing once again and looked down at his watch (The feast was going to be over in just under 10 minutes), he checked his room number, 3, and went up the stairs marked 'MEN'.

When he got to his room, his trunk was already at the foot of one of the two beds. Deciding he quite liked the layout, he slumped down on the bed with his trunk and looked around.

There was a bed on either side of the room and a window in between, opposite the door. At the foot of both the beds there was a desk and next to the beds there were bedside tables. The room was so symmetrical, it annoyed Harry, making him take his belongings out of his trunk and start making his side really his.

He dumped his books on his desk, along with some quills and a roll of parchment. He took out the Marauder's Map and his Invisibility Cloak and placed the map on the bedside table, the Cloak inside one of the drawers. He also took a Muggle book that Hermione got him into, To Kill A Mockingbird, and placed in beside the map. He took a few steps away from his side of the room and sighed. Maybe it wasn't his old dorm, but he'll make this work.

Suddenly he heard a roar of chatter spreading through the room and jumped at the increase in volume. He decided to stay up in his dorm until his dorm mate arrived, then, he decided, he'll go to Hermione and apologise for storming out like that.

He heard footsteps walking up the 'MEN' stairs, some ending at the beginning of the corridor, some walking past his room, but one pair of footsteps stopped at his door and pushed it open.

"Hey, roommate," Harry said, looking at the startled blond.

"Shit, I didn't expect you to be up here already," Malfoy said, wrinkling his nose with disgust at Harry's already messy desk, "I see you made yourself at home."

"Had to sometime," Harry shrugged.

"Also took the liberty of choosing a side," Draco said as he opened his own trunk.

"The trunks were like this when I came in, Malfoy," Harry said, "But you know, the early bird catches the worm."

"The early what?"

"Muggle saying, nevermind,"

"Yeah..." Draco gave Harry a concerned look before stacking his books on his desk.

Harry watched Draco unpack and let his mind drift away. Was Draco always this neat about everything? How many books does he have? I he sorting them according to subject? Did Harry know someone worse than Hermione with books and neatness for all these years and not know of it? It amazed Harry how little he really knew about Malfoy, and the only real reason why he hated him was because Malfoy hated Harry. That and because he was a little prat.

"Like what you see?" Draco said as he was waving a hand around for Harry to get out of his daydream, "Quite staring."

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"About going down to calm Granger, I hope. She wouldn't stop bickering to Weasley about how she was worried about you."

"Yeah, I was just going to go down," Harry said and walked out of his dorm and down the stairs.

Before he could look around the common room, or even think, a shout from his right made him jump.

"Harry James Potter! You had me worried out of my mind, you don't just walk away from me and don't tell me where you're going!" Hermione said, running up to Harry and jabbing him in the chest with her finger, "I don't care if you are angry beyond belief, you do that one more time and we're going to talk differently."

"Sorry, mum," Harry said as he rubbed his jabbed chest. He watched Hermione roll her eyes and grab his wrist and drag him to the two round tables that were pushed up next to each other.

One table had Dean, Seamus and Neville around it and the other only had Ron. Hermione sat on a chair next to Ron and pushed Harry into the one between her and Seamus.

Harry couldn't lie; he didn't want to be there. He loved his friends, don't get him wrong, but he would rather be alone. All these times he was alone in Grimmauld Place, he grown to enjoy his own company. Even more than the company of his friends. He could be himself, he didn't have to pretend to be alright, he could wear short sleeves and he wasn't self conscious of anything.

He looked around the room for a way out, when his stomach started to rumble. He sighed and remembered how he walked out of the Great Hall before the feast started and suddenly his hunger got to him.

"Hermione, I think I'm going to go down to the kitchen, I didn't eat anything for 10 hours," Harry explained to his friend, who nodded slowly and watched his go out of the common room.

* * *

Harry laid on his bed, looking up at the canopy of his four poster. School was starting tomorrow, he hoped for some time to get used to all the changes around the castle, but he was let down. There weren't many changed, just some new classrooms and some were moved. Nothing major, but when you went to the same class for Charm for 6 years, it's going to be hard to get used to going to a different one now.

Harry sighed, he slept all the way through the ride on the Hogwarts Express, he wasn't tired at all. He grabbed his watch from the bedside table and saw that it was 1am, he stood up and walked over to his desk.

He grabbed his wand and cast a _Lumos_ before sticking it between two books to stand still and opened his Muggle book. He really enjoyed reading, it made him forget about the real world, about his problems. However, he was nearing the end and didn't have another to read.

He realised that he usually worries about the end of things instead of enjoying them while they last. Over the summer he stopped trying new things, he started pushing away from his friends, he was scared of the end of summer. He realised how much he really ruined his life.

He started pushing away from his friends because he was scared of how their friendship was going to end. He kept making up scenarios of how he's going to fuck everything up. He couldn't bare the thought of really being alone.

Even though he was alone physically, he always knew that he had his friends, and that somewhat reassured him. That made him think that maybe he wasn't that much of a failure if people were still willing to be his friends.

He stopped trying new things in case he failed all of them. The fear of failure that dawned over him since the war was still looming around, stopping him from going for things he really wanted. His Gryffindor courage ran away ages ago.

Harry realised he turned 2 pages of his book without getting any of the words on the pages. He was too deep in thought. He marked the page he was previously on and put the book down. He looked at Draco, who seemed far asleep on his bed.

Malfoy of all people. They had to put him in a dorm with Malfoy. They didn't know about his apology. Were they hoping for a fight? Were they hoping to get one of them expelled?

Harry didn't realised that he was pacing the room until he looked up and found himself on Malfoy's half.

Harry sighed. He found himself doing that a lot lately. He sighed after everything he did, because he knew that anything he does will probably fail or turn out bad in the end.

"Why are you staring at me again?" Malfoy's voice startled Harry. Malfoy was still turned towards the wall, away from Harry, but probably felt his presence.

"'M not staring, just can't sleep," Harry answered, but realised he probably was.

"Can you 'not stare' on your side of the room? I'm trying to sleep here," Malfoy said, turning over to look at Harry.

"Sorry," Harry said and walked back over to his bed.

"Sorry?" Malfoy said, leaning on his elbow, "No sassy comment back? Nothing? What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, I'm just not 11 anymore."

"Ah, there it is," Draco said with a smirk and sat up on his bed.

"Not sleeping anymore?"

"No, I wasn't asleep anyway."

"Okay," Harry said. The room fell into an awkward silence as Harry tried to find something to say, "Thanks for not telling Hermione where I was, I wouldn't have gotten a wink of sleep if she was there."

"I didn't do it for you, you were asleep and I didn't have a compartment, I lied to her so I could sit there," Draco said, "So, you going to tell me what those were or not?"

"Those?" Harry asked, even though he knew exactly what Draco was referring to; he wanted to stall the question as long as he could.

"You know what. The scars, what were they from?" 

"Just battle scars, it's nothing."

"No they weren't. I didn't have a long look but they weren't faded, plus if they were battle scars they wouldn't have bled then. I'm not stupid, Ha- Potter," Draco said, it sounded like he spent a lot of time thinking about it. 

"So what? Why do you care anyway?" Harry started getting defensive.

"Because," Draco stood up from his bed and walked over to Harry's, sitting down on the edge of it, "We are friends now, and I want to know. Where did you get the scars, Harry."

it was a question, but it was said in a I-already-know-the-answer kind of way. Harry knew that voice from Hermione.

"You did them yourself, didn't you?" Draco said, looking at Harry with pity. 

Pity. Harry hated that word. That look. The way everyone treated him like he was some damaged child. He just wanted to be left alone and treated like anyone else.

But the way Malfoy was speaking, it was like he really cared for Harry. Like he didn't pity him. The room was dark and he wasn't wearing his glasses, but the more he looked at Draco's face the more he recognised the look of worry.

Worry. Not pity. Harry doesn't have anything against worry. 

He sighed.

"Malfoy, listen, I appreciate you trying to help me, or whatever it is you're trying to do, but I'm fine. "

"Did you do them yourself?" Draco repeated his question, this time his look was threatening. Harry looked at Draco's face, his eyes making him want to answer truthfully.

"Yes," Harry said in a small voice, hoping that Draco didn't hear him. He wouldn't meet his eyes, he felt pathetic, weak, stupid.

Saying it out loud made him realise how weak he actually was. How stupid he was for doing it. But he knew that it wouldn't change a thing, now he will do it with more self hatred. 

"Show me," Draco demanded. Harry's head snapped towards him.

"No," Harry said, shaking his head frantically. To admit to it is one thing, to show is a complete other story. He couldn't. 

"Show me, Harry," Draco urged on, he pulled out his hand expectedly and looked from Harry's left wrist to his eyes.

Slowly, for some unknown reason, Harry placed his arm in Draco's wretched out hand. 

"Please don't tell anyone," Harry said, his voice cracking a bit as his eyes filled with unwanted tears.

Draco just nodded as he rolled up Harry's sleeve. Harry could see him surpressing a gasp as he saw the damage on his wrist. 

Scars overlapping scars. Some faded, some bright red. Draco grabbed Harry's lit wand from his desk and inspected it further. 

Harry felt awfully self conscious and exposed, he had his eyes on his wrist, being gently held. He gasped a little as Draco's finger tips made contact with his scars. 

"I know it's bad, but please don't tell anyone," Harry said, barely holding back the tears, "Hermione would freak and-"

"I won't tell," Draco said, looking into Harry's eyes, "if you let me heal them."

"I-" Harry looked at Draco in bewilderness. He never healed his scars. They were reminders of how much he deserved the pain. Everytime he looked at them, he remembered the pain and it made him feel better.

"Harry." 

"Okay, but this isn't the only place, there's some here," Harry pointed to his ribs, "and here," He pointed to his thighs. 

He didnt want to agree so easily, but at the risk of Hermione finding out and getting him to talk to someone about his feelings made him sick.

"That's fine, I'll just get my wand," Draco stood and went over to his bedside table. He picked up his wand, that Harry owled to him in the summer, and sat back down on Harry's bed.

"Let me see all of them."


	3. Chapter 3

_Harry looked around the dark room. It was familiar, but that didn't help the panic starting to rise in him. Th familiarity, Harry noticed, was the reason for his panic . He started banging on a wall on his right. He pounded as hard as he could, even called out for help, but no one came.  
_

_Just as he was giving up, the wall he was pounding on opened._

_"Get to work, boy!" Uncle Vernon shouted as he grabbed Harry by the collar and pulled him out of the small room. Harry realised where he was, it was his old room, the cupboard under the stairs. He was in number 4, Privet Drive again._

_"I told you to clean the kitchen floor already, we have important guests coming over, and I won't be embarrassed because you were too lazy," Vernon bellowed as he threw Harry down on the floor and chucked a cloth at him._

_Harry, who was still in his (Dudley's) pyjamas, started wiping the floor on all fours as Dudley came into the room._

_"Ha!" He exclaimed as he saw Harry on the floor, and kicked Harry's side, making him fall over and bang his head on the oven._

_"I told you to get to work! You worthless boy, you're not even good at cleaning!" Vernon shouted as he saw Harry on his side, holding his head in pain._

_Uncle Vernon grabbed Harry's shirt and pulled him up, "Back to your room!"_

_"No, please! I'll do it, I'm sorry!"_

_"No sorrys, boy, off the your room," Vernon shouted, dragging the protesting Harry by the shirt back to his 'room', and, roughly, threw him inside._

_As Harry's head made contact with the back wall of the cupboard, making the stairs shake, Vernon slammed the door. Harry looked around for a light switch, but it seemed to disappear._

_He was in the darkness, with no one, no way to get out. The familiar feeling of panic started coming back as he once again started pounding on the door._

_"Please! Please let me out!" He shouted to no avail, all he heard were laughs of his relatives._

_"Please!"_

_"Harry! Harry!"_

 

"Harry!" The voice was louder now, more vivid.

Harry opened his eyes.

He realised he was panting. He was sweating and crying, grabbing onto his bedsheets for dear life.

"What happened?" Draco asked, kneeling next to Harry's bed, "You were shouting, help and please and just shouting. You scared the shit out of me."

"Nothing," Harry said as he sat up, "Bad dream."

"Figured as much," Draco said, "But I have bad dreams, I never have them... that bad."

"Lucky you," Harry said as he reached for his watch, he saw it was 7:24am. He never woke up anytime after 5, but he figured it was because he went to sleep so late.

"What was it about?" Draco asked. Seeing Harry's face get defensive, he added, "It helps me to talk about them, maybe it'll help you too."

"I never.. spoke about them before," Harry said. He noticed how his friends never asked him about anything like that. He never spoke about his nightmares, or even his emotions. He searched Draco's face, looking for any trace of mockery. He only found worry and interest. He sighed.

"Sit," Harry said, nodding to the free space on his bed, "It's going to be a long story."

Draco sat next to him and looked at him expectedly.

"It was about my relatives," Harry said, looking at Draco, who nodded, "The ones I lived with since my parents died."

Draco didn't interrupt Harry as he was saying all the things about his relatives. What they did to Harry, how they treated him like he was nothing. How they held his true identity from him, lied about how his parents died. Harry thought he wouldn't be able to talk about it, but the more he was talking, the more relieved he felt. He felt like a weight fell off his shoulders, all the things he was keeping in were out. And Draco looked like he actually cared about it.

"Dudley nearly said sorry, when they left. Nearly. It was more of a 'I don't hate you as much as you think I do', but I guess that's the most affection I ever got from that family. I'm just glad I don't have to see them again," Harry finished.

"I never realised that.. that you had an abusive childhood," Draco said after all his silence, "And I probably didn't help any of it, being a complete prat to you."

"Well, you did insult Hagrid and Ron. They were the first people I met that actually liked me. The Weasley's are like my family, it annoyed me when you offended them because they were the first family to accept me," Harry said, he found it easy to talk to Draco. He was a good listener and he seemed to actually care.

"I never thought of that," Draco said, playing with the end of his pyjama bottoms, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you didn't know then."

"Yeah, but just accept my apology," Draco said, "We should go down to breakfast, it's nearly over."

"Yeah," Harry said.

* * *

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked her boyfriend as he stuffed some toast into his mouth.

"I dunno," Ron replied after he swallowed, he didn't want another lecture from Hermione about speaking with a full mouth.

"Ron! At least pretend to care."

"Obviously nothing happened to him, why would I be worried. Unless Malfoy _Avada Kedavra_ ed him in his sleep, I think he's fine," Ron said as he grabbed another toast.

"You are unbelievable," Hermione said as she looked down at her plate.

"Why is Harry with Malfoy?" Ginny asked as she sat down next to Hermione, making her head turn towards the doors of the Great Hall.

As Ginny pointed out, Harry walked in with Malfoy, but after exchanging nods, Harry went to the Gryffindor table and Malfoy to the Slytherin.

Harry felt all eyes on him as he departed from his unlikely company. He was used to having all the unwanted attention, so he kept his eyes on his destination, the seat beside Ron. He felt weird without his scars. He felt naked, he needed to make new scars so he didn't feel so. He knew he had to make new scars to feel like himself again.

After he sat down next to Ron, he was instantly pestered with questions from his friends.

"What are you doing with Malfoy-?"

"Did he curse you-?"

"Are you feeling okay-?"

"Guys, just leave Harry alone!" Hermione shouted over the top of all the questions.

"Thanks, 'Mione," Harry said. He looked around at the confused faces of his friends and sighed, "No, he didn't curse me. Yes, I am okay. We are sharing a room and happened to be going to breakfast at the same time, so we just went together. To be honest, I don't really know why any of you care."

"Why we care? Mate, I don't know if you've forgotten, but he was a git to you for seve-"

"He changed," Harry interrupted Ron. He didn't know if Draco was his friend, but he obviously cared about him if he made the effort to heal his scars and hear about his depressing childhood. Harry didn't want Ron, or anyone, offending someone who took the time to make Harry feel better.

"I agree with Harry," Hermione said, "I think we shouldn't care about who Harry chooses to hang out with. It's his choice and we should respect it."

"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said. He took a piece of toast from the plate in front of him and started eating, avoiding the weird looks he was getting by his friends.

* * *

Draco walked into his dorm to find Harry already there after the first day of school. It wasn't that bad, but weird to be back at school after so many things happened there.

"Hey, how was the first day?" Harry asked, looking up from To Kill A Mockingbird to see Draco enlarging his bag and pulling out book after book.

"Fine, weird, though. Not much people are back from Slytherin so I had to be in a class alone with Hufflepuffs. They're too kind for my liking," Draco took the last book out of his bag and sat down on his bed.

"I don't think you need that many books for the first day," Harry said, marking his page and putting his book down.

"Well, I like being prepared."

"Worse than Hermione," Harry said, "Next you'll be pestering me about some homework I didn't do."

At that, Draco rolled his eyes.

"That isn't a bad thing, being compared to Hermione, she's really smart," Harry added.

"That's the problem," Draco mumbled, hoping Harry wouldn't hear, but with the room being so quiet, it would be hard not to hear.

"Why?" Harry asked. Draco simply shook his head, "C'mon, I told you about the Dursley's, tell me why it's a problem."

"You never let things go, do you?" Draco asked and sighed, "It's a problem because I'm never top of the class. However hard I try, Granger beats me to it. No matter how good my grades are, my parents always say that I could do better than a mud- muggle-born. I'm just never good enough for my parents because of her."

Harry was speechless; he never thought that someone was having a hard time because of Hermione's smartness.

"No disrespect to your parents, but why won't they just be proud of you instead of comparing you to someone else?"

"They want me to be the best. They think it's shameful for a pure-blood to be beaten in grades by a muggle-born, seeing as they were born into the Wizarding World other than walked into it at the age of 11," Draco said.

"That's the thing about Hermione, she walked into the magic at 11, so she is fascinated by it, and wants to know everything about it. A pure-blood, take Ron for example, is probably already bored with the magic and all," Harry explained, "She gets top marks because she wants to know everything about this world."

"That doesn't make my parents any more proud of me," Draco said.

"Maybe your parents are being insensitive and should just accept you as you are," Harry said, "If you accept yourself like this, they should too."

"You don't know how pure-blood family are. Strict and disciplinary. You have to live up to their standards or you're nothing," Draco said, "Well, Father is like that. Mother is more considerate. Now that Father is in Azkaban I don't worry as much."

Harry nodded, he didn't know what to say to that. He was the one to put his and many other fathers in Azkaban.

Seeing Harry's discomfort, Draco decided to change the subject, "How are you?"

"Um, fine, I guess," Harry said, not fully understanding the meaning of that question.

"I mean with the healed scars and everything. Really, how are you?"

"Oh, um, it feels.. weird. Different. Like I'm not really in my skin. But I guess it takes getting used to," Harry said, looking down at his scar free wrist.

"Why do you do it?" Draco asked, he seemed genuinely interested, which still surprised Harry.

"Because I..." Harry thought of a good way to phrase it, "Because of the guilt. I just feel like it's all my fault. I know it's all my fault. All the deaths and the grief and the- do you know how many funerals I had to go to? People I didn't even know. But I had to go, because if I didn't, I'd feel disrespectful. I'd feel like I took their deaths for granted. I think, why do I even go these funerals? All it does is remind me how much of failure I really am. And then I feel guilty for even thinking about not going to the funerals, and everything goes to shit."

Harry realised how much he said when he looked at a dumbfounded Draco, but he didn't stop there. His usual sadness turned into anger as he carried on ranting.

"Hermione and Ron don't even care! Sure, they care in a 'you can tell me anything' way, but they don't care like you do. They didn't even ask me how I was feeling after the war. They expected me to be fine. You defeat a Dark Lord so your life just has to be peachy! Instead of staying with me and caring about my health, they went off to France!" Harry felt sudden sadness fall upon him as he remembered the summer he was left alone, he sat down on his bed as his vision became blurry with suppressed tears,  "They left me alone when I needed them the most. They left me alone in the house of my dead Godfather, who reminded me of my dead parents -who died because of me. They left me alone in a place that I couldn't cope in. They left me alone with a house-elf who cared for me more then they did. They didn't care to check in, they didn't care to ask me how I was. The first time I saw them over summer was when they came to my house to go to the Weasley's before King's Cross. They didn't ask me once if I was okay."

Harry felt relieved to get all that off his chest. However, he suddenly felt guilty. He sounded so selfish. He was angry at Hermione and Ron for spending time together? That's just selfish. He was happy for them, and they should be together.

"I'm being selfish, aren't I?" Harry asked Draco, who hasn't said a word since Harry started his rant.

"Yes," Draco said, and walked over to sit next to Harry on his bed, "But that's not a bad thing. You have to be selfish sometimes. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. Sometimes you have to put your needs in front of others', and that's okay. Sometimes you can't just accept what's given to you if it isn't enough. Your not being demanding if you want the attention and care of your friends, that's something they should give you anyway, if they truly are your friends."

"Why do you care so much?" Harry asked him.

"Well, for one, I don't think anyone should be going through something like this. But you're not really... As much of a prat as I thought you were all these years. You're just -no offence- broken, and you need someone to help you, and it just so happens that I'm here and I have great advice, so be grateful," Draco said, if Harry didn't see his face he would think the words where quite rude, but from the look on Draco's face he knew he was just teasing about Harry having to be 'grateful'.

"I should go down to them, they are probably worrying again," Harry said.

He stood up and walked out of their dorm, but didn't stop when Hermione was calling him to sit with her and his friends. He carried on walking, not looking back.

He didn't know what was happening. His heart was beating too fast and there were tears in his eyes. He just wanted to be alone. Having someone care about you like that was great, don't take him wrong, but it was heartbreaking to see.

He thought of himself as a bomb. He can explode at anytime and he didn't want someone to be hit by the shrapnel. And the nearest one to him with Draco. Harry is destroying him, making him care about his worthless problems that don't need anyone attention. Harry had to get rid of everyone before they all get hurt by him. He had to, or he will never forgive himself.

* * *

After 6 hours, Harry found himself back in front of the statues to the common room. He was lightheaded and dizzy. He spent all that time doing something he wasn't necessarily proud of. 

He found himself at the bathroom he cast the _Sectumpsempra_ on Malfoy when he was aimlessly wondering the castle. He was tired of everything, he was done. When he walked in, he automatically thrown a locking spell at the door before going towards the mirror and punching it, it cracked into pieces as the blood from his knuckles drip onto the floor. He grabbed a broken piece and looked down at his wrist.

He felt wrong. Looking at the clean, scar-free wrist made him feel wrong. Like he was living a carefree life when he made so many people suffer. He had to suffer, or he felt guilty. He could take the look of his wrist and bought the broken piece of mirror toward the guilt soaked skin.

He found himself in a pool of blood after a few hours, making sure he replaced the healed scars everywhere. He was woken by a screaming Moaning Myrtle. He didn't even realise he passed out, but after such extreme blood lose, it wasn't a surprise. He's done it before, and Kreacher woke him and bought him tea and toast.

He said the password to the statues (' _Polyjuice_ ') and stepped inside. The common room was mostly deserted as Eighth year students rather spend time out while the school year hasn't started yet, but he still spotted the familiar bushy hair sitting next to someone with a really loud Irish voice.

"Harry!" Seamus shouted as he spotted him, and ran towards Harry, "Come sit down, I haven't had a proper chat with you in ages."

"I'm kind of tired, Seamus," Harry said, technically not lying, he was rather tired, "Some other time?"

"Harry Potter you sit down here right now!" Hermione's voice shouted through the common room, Harry saw the look on her face, and saw she shouldn't be messed with, but he didn't have energy to think of the consequences his refusal would cause.

"No, I'm fine. I'm going to my room to sleep. Sorry, Hermione but you really don't control me," Harry said as he started getting dizzy again and slightly toppled over, but held onto the back of an armchair for support. He shook his head and made his eyes focus again.

From the corner of his eye, he could see someone frowning at him, but he didn't want to look, nor did he have to, he knew it was Draco. He sighed to himself as he attempted to walk away, but as he turned,  he realised he did it way too quick, as his dizziness came back. Before he knew it, he was on the floor, unconscious.


	4. Chapter 4

The familiar white ceiling mocked Harry as he opened his eyes. It mocked him with the way it can stay up, with the way it can stay clean. Harry knew that it was pathetic to think a ceiling was mocking him, but he never expected to end up in the Hospital Wing, yet here he was, in the Hospital Wing, staring at the mocking ceiling.

But Harry knew it was his fault. He knew that he shouldn't have done what he has done. So many cuts at once ought to put him in hospital. He just wanted to feel again, and then he couldn't stop himself. It was like all the guilt and built up anger and loneliness got to him at once and urged him on, screaming ' _more_ ' as he finished the, supposedly last, cut he has made in his skin with the broken mirror.

He didn't expect to pass out in front of all those people, though there weren't many. He expected the news to travel around the school in at least an hour, the _Daily Prophet_ will make an article about it in a week or less, Harry supposed.

But he didn't feel regret. He felt guilt, of course, for making that big scene and making people worry about him enough to take him to the hospital wing, but regret? No, he felt good with his newly scared wrists and ribs and thighs. He felt good that he has once again punished himself for being the way he was. He smiled to himself, before he heard footsteps and hushed voice coming his way.

"I am not leaving!" The unmistakable voice of Draco Malfoy whispered in the quiet room.

"Yes you are, Malfoy, do you really think the first thing he'd want to see when he wakes up is your ugly mug?" Ron's voice whispered back, making Harry tense. He knew he made plans to break the friendship with Draco, but to have Ron speak to him like that made him angry.

"I helped him when you weren't there! He told me things you probably never imagined, so, I pose you this question, would he rather see me, the person who helped him through all this, or you, the one who ignored it?" Malfoy whispered. Harry nearly hummed in agreement, he had a point, but he remembered he was acting to still be asleep.

"Well you somehow weren't with him when he did this!"

"And where were you when this happened?" Malfoy raised his voice, "At least I knew something was wrong! I cared for him while you go and shag your bushy girlfriend, I cared for him when you weren't bothered to. Don't you dare blame this on me, Weasley!"

Harry decided to that it was a good time to wake up. He started stirring and rubbed his eyes and made his best attempt to seem like he just woke up.

"Where am I?" He asked, just for good measures.

"Hospit-" Malfoy started, but Ron pushed in front of him.

"Hospital Wing," Ron sat in the chair next to Harry's bed.

"How long was I here?" Harry asked, sitting up, he felt like he slept for 3 years.

"You slept past first and second, so about 11 hours," Ron said.

"10 hours?"

"Yeah, you passed out at 12am, now it's 11," Ron explained.

"You scared the crap out of me when you wouldn't wake up," Malfoy sat next to Ron, "How are you?"

Harry observed their behaviour, Malfoy was looking genuinely worried, looking at Harry and waiting for an answer, whereas Ron looked appalled by Malfoy's presence. Harry looked at Ron. He was acting like he was trying to prove he was a better friend, and didn't really care. True, Harry and Ron never really spoke about feelings, but he could at least pretend to care. Instead, he completely diverted his attention from Harry and stared daggers into Malfoy, who was still patiently waiting for an answer, not glancing at Ron even once.

Cutting him off is going to be harder than Harry thought.

"I'm fine," Harry said, then looked at his bandaged wrists, "Did they..?"

"Pomfrey didn't heal them, I asked her not to," Malfoy said, getting a look of disbelieve from Ron.

"You did what?" He asked, "Why would you do that? It's not your choice, it's Harry's!"

"Ron," Harry said, "It's not your either. He did what I wanted him to."

"What?" Ron sat down, looking at Harry with the exact look that he gave Malfoy.

"I wouldn't want Pomfrey to heal them, he knew that, don't go off at him for knowing what I'd want."

"But, why would you want to keep them? And how in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts does he know that and I don't?"

"Because you didn't care," Malfoy said, but he obviously didn't do it in spite of him, he did it for him to shut up, "Why would you do that, Harry?"

"I didn't care?! I did care! Are you going to let him talk to me like that?" Ron asked Harry.

"Yes," Harry simply said, "Because he's right. I told him that."

"You think I don't care? You think I'm not a good friend?" Ron shouted, completely forgetting about Harry's problem, "Okay then! If you think so, let it be so!"

Ron turned around and stormed out the room.

"He's-"

"He didn't even care then," Harry cut in, "He just wanted to prove that he was a better friend than you. He's probably going to rant to Hermione, who will lecture me about appreciating friendship and not being hateful towards Ron."

"Happen often?" Malfoy asked, moving to Ron's bed, which was closer to Harry's head.

"Not really, but happens enough for me to know how these things go," Harry stared at his bandaged wrists and reached under the covers to feel if he had bandages around his thighs and ribs, which he did, "Thanks for not letting them heal the.. you know."

"I did it despite my better judgement, I did want them to heal them, but I was scared that if you didn't have them you'll do this again," Malfoy explained, "I told them that. I know I should have told them, but it was the only way to keep your scars."

"It's fine, you did the right thing," Harry said, deciding he will wait until later to break the friendship, "Sorry..."

"No need, it's my fault. I thought I was doing you a favour by healing them," Malfoy said, Harry knew that it wasn't the only realise for his self-destructive outburst, but he went along for now.

"It's really no-"

"Okay! Away from my patient, he needs to rest," Pomfrey ran into the Hospital Wing holding a vial containing a purple substance.

"Sure," Draco stood from the chair and patted Harry's shoulder, "See you later, Harry."

Harry smiled at him as Madam Pomfrey handed Harry the vial.

"You lost a lot of blood today, this should help. Drink it and you'll be good to go by tomorrow morning," Madam Pomfrey said and waited for Harry to drink.

* * *

Pomfrey made Hermione walk Harry back to his dorm as she went to visit him as he was sent back at 9pm. Hermione kept quiet most of the way, or at least tried to. Harry predicted this was because of what he said to Ron.

"What did I do now?" Harry asked as Hermione opened her mouth to say the password to the statues.

"Nothing," Hermione replied, trying to say the password again, but Harry didn't let her.

"Really? Because you have the face of, you've-done-something-bad-and-I'm-angry-but-I-won't-tell-you. I'm not stupi-"

"You really hurt Ron!"

"I hurt Ron?" Harry said. He couldn't stop the laugh escaping his lips as he stroked the bandage on his left wrist, "Oh no! Poor Ron! I was in the Hospital Wing and all he could do was be a dick to Draco-"

"But ' _Draco'_ wasn't your friend for 7 years, was he? No, it was us! You can't hurt Ron for someone who hated you for most of their life!" Hermione shouted. It wasn't common for her to shout, but even though that was a big red flag, Harry didn't calm down.

"Draco helped me when you two were too busy snogging! He cared about me since the start of term more than you have in 7 years! You never once asked me how I'm dealing with things. He asked me all the right questions, and he doesn't even know me like you two. How come he knew exactly what to say to me when you two, supposedly my best friends, don't even know?" Harry shouted back. He realised how close to Draco he was, but that could wait for later.

"I would have helped if you told me!" Hermione shouted.

"No you wouldn't, 'Mione! Just face it, you were too attached to Ron's lips to see what was happening to me. Just forget about me and go back to Ron, it shouldn't be too hard for you," Harry said.

He turned and stormed off down the corridor, only stopping when he bashed into someone, making Harry fall back and land on his arse.

"Harry!" Draco said, clearly surprised at the position he was in.

"Hey.." Harry said, he was trying to avoid Draco, but he realised how impossible that was. He shared a room with him, he should just get it over with. But why was it so hard?

"I was just going to see if you're allowed visitors but Pomfrey said you were back.. Where were you going?"

"Nowhere.."

"Want to go back to our dorm?"

"Sure."

With that, Harry and Draco walked towards the common room. After saying the password, they stepped through. Harry wished they didn't. Hermione instantly stomped up to him, demanding for an answer on what the hell his outburst was about. He was going to walk on, but Ron got in his way.

"Listen, mate, be a prat to me all you want, but don't speak to Hermione like you did, okay?" Ron said, his voice sounded like it did when he spoke to Malfoy, full of disgust.

"Get out of my way, Ron," Harry simply said. He just got back to his common room after practically everyone found out he was a damaged child who can't handle some deaths. Of course, no one thought that, but his brain told him differently.

"Harry, we're trying to help!" Hermione said with an exasperated expression.

"Are you? Because all you've done so far is shout at me and Draco. All you've done so far is only care about how I spoke to Ron, or how I told Draco something and not you. All you've done is worry about yourself and not said a word about the thing that happened. I don't want you to treat me like I'm 5, but at least pretend to care about what happened!" Harry shouted, by now everyone in the common room was listening, but Harry didn't care, "Draco and I are going to our dorm now, so if you please," Harry made a 'move' gesture with his hand at Ron, who moved without a second thought.

Harry was right and he knew it. Ron didn't do anything to help him, only moan about the people he was with. Maybe he wasn't a better friend than Malfoy after all

* * *

_Harry was running through the corridor that kept getting longer and longer. The ajar door at the end seemed unreachable as the voice around him shouted their lungs out at him._

_"You should have died when you were meant to, we would still be alive!" Lily's voice echoed through the corridor as Harry tried getting away from it._

_"It's all your fault. If only Ron never met you, I would have had a long and happy life. You ruined everything!" Fred's voice shouted, making Harry run faster, like it'll help him get away from them._

_Just when the door appeared nearer, it shut with a loud BANG! The corridor fell into darkness and Harry stopped running. He put his hands over his ears but it didn't make the voices any quieter._

_"Worthless child! Why did we ever take you in? Your a freak!" Petunia's voice shouted into his ear._

_"It's your fault I'm dead, Harry. Teddy needs a father, Harry. It doesn't even have a mother because of you. You ruined everything!" Remus shouted._

_"We don't need you. We have each other. Everything would have been easier if you died in that forest. We wouldn't have a worthless pile of nothing following us around," Hermione's voice said in his head._

_Harry backed into the wall and slid down, he curled into a ball and pressed his hands harder on his ears. It didn't help. The voices started shouting at once._

_"Freak!"_

_"Worthless!"_

_"You ruined it!"_

_"You should have died!"_

_"Sorry!" Harry screamed, hoping to get them to stop, "I'm sorry! Please! I- I know I should have died! Please, stop!"_

_"WORTHLESS!"_

_"FREAK!"_

_"I'M SORRY!"_

_When Harry screamed the last sorry, everything went silent. He opened his eyes, which he didn't know he closed, and saw the door open wide. He ran towards it._

* * *

Harry woke up feeling good the next morning. He didn't know why his nightmare ended so abruptly, but he was glad it did. He was about to reach for his glasses, but realised his hand was stuck. He looked down to see someone curled up next to his bed, one hand holding Harry's tightly.

Harry looked at Draco. He looked so peaceful. So unaware of Harry's plans to cut him off. But Harry knew it had to be done, Harry knew he'd only hurt him if he carried on being his friend. It's better to hurt him now once, than many more times later.

Harry prepared himself. He took a deep breath and looked at Draco's peaceful face.

He sighed.

"What the hell, Malfoy!"

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Draco's body jerked to the side. He hit his head against Harry's bedside table. He opened his eyes and looked at the furious Harry, who was sitting as far away from him as he could with a disgusted face.

"What? What happened?" Draco asked, his voice deep and rusty with sleep.

"You happened! What did you try to do, huh? Sneak into my bed? Seriously, you think I'm your friend and you automatically want to get in my pants?" Harry shouted. He was disgusted with himself for saying those things, but he needed to. He needed Draco to hate him. It was for his own good. Harry wanted to cry and throw himself at Draco when he saw his face, say 'It's just a prank!', but he couldn't. It was all for Draco's good. He had to keep telling himself that.

"Get in your pants? You were screaming! You were screaming 'sorry' and whatnot! I tried to calm you down! I must have fallen asleep when you calmed. I'm not trying to get in your pants, Harry," Draco said, standing up. He was trying to talk normally, but his voice was raising slightly and that hateful tone was coming back to it.

"Excuses! What were you thinking? You get close to the Golden Boy, help him and get in his bed? Is that all this is? Well, guess what, _Malfoy,"_ Harry spat the name like it was the most disgusted thing that ever came out of his mouth, "That's never gonna happen, you pounce-"

"Oh, I get this!" Malfoy shouted, stepping forward, "The Saviour just needed some attention! Well, here, you made that big scene in the common room, and you won another life to ruin along the way! You got what you wanted, and now your getting rid of the excess. Great job, Potter, I would have never suspected you were so low. You just needed to use me for the attention. I get it!"

"Oh stop making everything about you! You think I needed you? You think I wanted attention? You're wrong, Malfoy, like always! You're always wrong about everything. No wonder your mummy and daddy aren't so proud of their little Death Eater!" Harry said. He cursed himself after he said it. He went too far, but he couldn't take it back now. It was for Draco's good.

"You're unbelievable, Potter. You defended me from your friends and now you are being a dick to me? I can't believe I actually fell for your little game," Draco said. Hurt filled his eyes as he looked at Harry one last time before taking his robes from his trunk and going to the bathroom.

Harry sighed and collapsed on his bed. He kept repeating to himself that he's done it for Draco's good, but he wasn't so sure any more.

* * *

"I agree, it is weird," Hermione told Malfoy, who confided in them about the argument with Harry after lessons ended. The only other Slytherins to return for their Eighth year were far from Draco's friends. Pansy and Blaise decided to be homeschooled as they didn't have the Ministry looming over them.

"But why is it our problem?" Ron asked, shutting the book he was reading. Draco found them in the library for their weekly studying sessions.

"Because Harry probably doesn't know what he's doing. I don't tell him this often, but I'm really worried. He's just... he's not thinking right. I never thought he would speak to Granger like that. He's.. broken," Draco sat down on the third chair at the round table.

"I think he's right, Ron. The things he did, I'd never think Harry would do that. He's really changed, I really think he made the argument between us on purpose," Hermione told her boyfriend, who gave her a weird look.

"Why would he argue with his best friends on purpose?" Ron asked, "When he's in that state of mind, he needs someone there. Even Malfoy."

"That's the thing. I thought about it a lot, what if he doesn't want people worrying about him? People with depression tend to think that they're putting unnecessarily pressure on those trying to help. He must have done it on purpose so we don't get hurt by his actions," Hermione explained.

"But what can we do? I mean, we have to help him," Draco said, looking between Hermione and Ron, who were sharing a meaningful look.

"Harry is stubborn. When he makes his mind up, it's really hard to change it. I don't think theres much we can do but wait," Hermione said.

"Wait? Wait for what? For him to pass out on the common room floor again? For him to jump off the Merlin forsaken Astronomy Tower? What the fuck do we wait for?" Draco shouted.

There was loud sound of footsteps running out of the library, but none of them paid any notice as they were all staring at each other.

Ron was physically tensing, he was ready to hex Malfoy for swearing at his girlfriend, but he was stopped when he saw Hermione's knowing smile.

"You really care about him, don't you?" Hermione asked, watching Draco's face calm.

"Obviously," Draco said.

"But, like, really care," Hermione edged on, hoping Draco would confirm her suspicions, but his features turned into a frown.

"I don't know what you're getting at, Granger, but you have to stop caring about me and start caring about Harry. At least he's going to class tomorrow, might get his mind off things," Draco said and stood up, leaving the library and going back to his common room.

* * *

That night Draco didn't see Harry. He waited until 2am for him to show up in their dorm, but there was no sign of him. Draco went to sleep worried.

* * *

In the morning, Harry's bedsheets were messier than the night before. That sight made Draco relax a bit, knowing Harry was in the dorm. However, there was still no sigh of him.

Draco got ready for school. After he got dressed in his robes, he went to check if Harry's robes were gone, which they were, and left the dorm.

He made his way to the first lesson of the day, Potions, and got inside.

Harry was already inside, sitting in the very back of the class, on the left bench. Draco walked over to the right bench at the back and sat down.

He looked at Harry, he had dark circle around his bloodshot eyes and was supporting his head on his hand. His hair was even messier than usual. He just looked tried. Draco felt the sudden urge to go there and take care of him, but he knew nothing good would come out of it. He knew Harry made his mind. He simply put his head down and waited for the class to fill.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Surprisingly, Hermione spoke quite a lot to Malfoy, much to Ron's disappointment. They spoke quite a lot of Harry's condition. Draco realised that Hermione worried quite a lot about Harry, but she didn't notice anything wrong with him before. She told Draco that Harry hasn't been spending much time with them, so she didn't have time to see if he was okay.

Draco finally found something in common with the Gryffindors, their collective worry for Harry. Draco quite enjoyed spending time with them.

* * *

Harry, on the other hand, was getting worse. He didn't have anyone to tell him to stop self harming, so he ended up doing it more often. Nothing to make him pass out like previously, but something to calm him. He didn't speak to anyone for the whole day and spent his whole day after school up in the Astronomy Tower.

His old friends didn't know it, but he heard their conversation in the library. They were still worried about him. He only did what he did to stop them from worrying. Why was he always putting problems on peoples shoulders? He realised there was only one way to make them stop worrying.

He heard Draco's outburst. ' _Wait for him to jump of the Merlin forsaken Astronomy Tower?'_. He had to admit, he thought of it before, but now he knew that it was the only way to stop all the guilt from surrounding him. To give his friends their lives back.

Not now, though. He wanted to wait for a good moment. He wanted his friends to forget about him. To stop worrying. He knew he'd just cause them unnecessarily grief. He had to wait and watch. He had to do it at the right moment, or it'll just hurt them more.

* * *

The next few days were the same. Draco waited for Harry to return to their dorm for the night, but falling asleep. He saw Harry's bedsheets in a different position so he knew he was there, then watched him when they had classes together. Harry tried his best not to look at his old friends or not to look too tired and worn out, he didn't want them to worry.

He spent most his time up in the Astronomy Tower. He was mostly in his Invisibility Cloak, standing at the edge and getting used to it. He was scared, but he knew it was the only escape. He knew he had to do it. He was working on a note, too. He only made one, for Draco, Hermione and Ron. He made a plan to put it on Draco's bed before he jumped. He wanted to let them know that even though they didn't care for him any more (hopefully), he still cared for them.

* * *

As the days passed, Harry was getting worse. Not only his friends noticed. Everyone noticed that the Golden Boy was getting dark circles around his eyes and looked more disorientated than ever.

Word of the scene in the common room went around pretty quickly, and though no one other than his ex-friends knew what the reason for him fainting was, theories were made.

 _Daily Prophet_ made some of them and had interviews with the people in the common room, they even tried interviewing Hermione about it, but no one said why he passed out.

He had to go for weekly check ups with Madam Pomfrey, who, because of Draco's request, didn't heal any old or new scars, just made sure they weren't infected or whatnot.

Draco started noticing how the bedsheet's on Harry's bed were in the same position for 3 nights straight, but didn't worry too much as he saw Harry in lesson everyday.

Harry was spending the nights up in the Astronomy Tower, he knew it was a risk, but he was comfortable there. The Invisibility Cloak kept him safe from any intruders or if he slept in and students came up there for their first lesson, which happened quite often as he started going to sleep later and getting up 5 minutes into first period.

Harry missed quite a lot of meals, he usually just went to dinner, where he would sit at the end of the bench, away from everyone and eat a piece of toast and drank some pumpkin juice. He couldn't kid himself, he was starving most of the time, but he didn't do anything about it. He only ate dinner and went back to the Astronomy Tower.

Harry knew it wasn't healthy, but he didn't have anyone to watch him and help him change his new routine, and it was getting too hard to care for himself, so he just went like that for a week. A week turned into a month.

* * *

Draco watched Harry put his head on the desk as the professor rambled on about Goblin rights. He knew that Professor Binns was one of the most boring professors, but he never saw Harry sleep in his lesson. He watched as his back rose and fell arrhythmical as Harry, surly enough, fell into sleep.

As Draco listened to Binns, he saw Harry twisting and turning in his chair, jerking this way and that as if uncomfortable. Draco wouldn't find that as unusual if he didn't know Harry, the chairs were quite uncomfortable, but he knew that Harry did that when he was having a nightmare.

He blocked out Binns and watched as Harry's lips moved, but no sound came out. He was probably mumbling something under his breath. He was frowning and his voice got louder. Some people turned towards him to see what the noise was. As the whole class turned to him and Binns stopped talking, Harry started shouting.

"NO!" He shouted, jerking his body a bit too much. His chair tipped over, making him fall to the ground and wake up.

He jumped to his feet and looked around the class at all the shocked faces of his peers. He grabbed his bag and ran out of the class. 


	6. Chapter 6

Draco looked at Hermione and Ron, who were both already on their feet. He jumped to his and lead them out the room.

"Did you see what happened?" Ron asked Malfoy, he suddenly forgot about his hate for him and put Harry's well being first.

"He fell asleep and started getting all fussed. Then he started mumbling something. You probably saw the rest," Malfoy said, "He was probably exhausted, he wasn't in our dorm for weeks."

"Really? I don't see him much at all except lesson. He only comes to the Great Hall at dinners," Ron said, they reached the Entrance Hall and exited to the courtyard, "But he probably goes to the kitchen for food."

"No," Hermione said, looking around the courtyard, "I asked the house-elves down there if he comes down for food. They said they didn't see him since last year."

"You mean he doesn't eat anything but some fucking toast? I knew we should leave him alone!" Draco shouted, stopping the other two, "This is your plan? Let him starve himself because no one is caring for him? What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"

"Malfoy, I know you're worried for him, but there's nothing we could do," Hermione tried calming him down.

"Nothing? I could have forced him to take care of himself! I'd have forced him to it if he didn't do it willingly. I can't believe this!"

Draco stormed away from the two, walking around and looking for Harry by himself.

* * *

Up in the Astronomy Tower, Harry threw off his Invisibility Cloak. Fuck his plan to wait, he couldn't take it. He couldn't take all the guilt. He couldn't take the worried look on his peers' faces when they look at him. He couldn't take being alive.

He already placed the note on Draco's bed, hoping he finds it before they find Harry's body. He stepped up to the edge of the tower and looked at the view. He's not going to miss it, not really, because when he dies he's going to be in a better place. He didn't know that for sure, but he figured any place is going to be better than where he was now. He took a deep breath and didn't dare look down in case he chickened out. His breath hitched as he stretched out his leg, trying to step on the air. He closed his eyes and let himself fall.

"NO!"

* * *

Draco's hand automatically drifted to his wand as he watched a body, which already looked limp and lifeless, fall from the Astronomy Tower. He pointed his wand at the body. It was dangerously near the ground. He heard footsteps and shouts from behind him, but it was drowned out as he screamed,

"ARRESTO MOMENTUM!"

The body stopped about 6 feet away from the ground, it didn't try to move and didn't give any sign of being alive. Draco was scared to check up on it. Scared to see that it was already dead. He stood still, his wand still pointed at Harry as two figures stepped beside him. Hermione pointed her wand at Harry and said " _Wingardium Leviosa,_ ".

Harry's body drifted to the floor, letting Draco to put his wand away and run towards him.

But he was slower than Hermione, who was already kneeling beside him and gave a sigh of relief.

"He's breathing," Hermione said as Draco kneeled down between her and Ron.

"Oh Merlin," Draco whispered as he looked at Harry's face.

He couldn't help him. He couldn't take care of him. He couldn't prevent him from doing this to himself. He realised there were tears running down his cheeks when one landed on Harry's hand, which he subconsciously grabbed.

"I'm so sorry.." He whispered to the hand, which was pressed against his lips.

"Draco," Hermione said, putting a hand on Draco's shoulder, "Draco, you saved him. We have to get him to Pomfrey."

"Okay, yeah, okay," Draco mumbled to himself as he picked up Harry's limp body, bridal style.

"I can levitate him if you-"

"No," Draco said, "I want to carry him."

"Okay," Hermione said.

The Trio made their way through the school. 3rd lesson just ended, meaning there were students all over the corridors. When they saw Draco, whose face was stained with tears, carrying a unconscious Harry Potter, they were shocked. Ron had to push some people out the way to make a clear path for Draco and Harry. They were all shouting questions, trying to stop Hermione to talk, but none of them stopped walking until they reached the doors to the Hospital Wing.

"Madam Pomfrey!" Hermione called as they entered the room. Pomfrey was treating a student who looked like he got in the way of a bad Stinging Hex, but immediately left him as he saw Harry in Draco's arms.

"Oh Merlin, what has he done now?" Pomfrey asked, her voice edging close to irritated.

"Madam, he... he.." Hermione tried saying it, but she couldn't get it out of her mouth, Ron stepped in front of her.

"He jumped off the Astronomy Tower."

Pomfrey gasped, she covered her mouth with her hand as she looked at Harry, "He's breathing.. I hope you're not joking around here, this is very-"

"Draco saved him. He cast an _Arresto Momentum_ before he hit the ground. I levitated him to the ground," Hermione explained as Pomfrey nodded.

Pomfrey tried taking Harry from Draco's arms, but he moved away. She tried again, but Draco didn't want to let Harry go.

"Mr Malfoy, I need to treat him. If he jumped off the Tower, like you say he did, and you cast an _Arresto Momentum,_ there would be some serious injuries in his internal system from the whiplash. That, plus the lack of oxygen when falling and air resistant pushing on his chest, his lungs could have collapsed. Mr Malfoy, you want him to survive this, don't you?" Pomfrey was talking with more care than any of the three heard before.

Malfoy slowly nodded, "Where do I put him?"

* * *

Draco sat at Harry's bed along with Hermione and Ron. He was still holding onto his hand like his life depended on it. He couldn't believe he let him do this to himself. He made a promise to never leave his side.

He looked at Harry's peaceful face. He hasn't spoke to him in ages. He missed him more than he cared to admit. He couldn't take not being there to help him. Not being there to support him through everything going on. He felt like he failed him.

"Draco," Hermione whispered, "I can call you Draco, right?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"I wanted to thank you for saving him," Hermione said. She sounded so genuine Draco tore his eyes away from Harry and looked at her, her eyes were filled with tears.

"It's... I'm sorry, but I really didn't do it for you. No offence, though. I did it because I care for him," Draco said, hoping not to hurt her feelings.

"I know. Just.." She jumped from her chair and hugged Draco. It was quite awkward as she had to bend over if she didn't want to sit on his lap, but she managed, "Thank you."

"I... it's okay," Draco was surprised by the hug. It was no secret that his family lacked affection. They were strict and only showed any in desperate times. He didn't know how comforting a hug is when faced with a lot of stress.

"Pomfrey's coming," Ron said, poking Hermione's shoulder. She let go of Draco and smiled at him before turning to Madam Pomfrey.

"Okay, Healer Evans from St. Mungo is going to come in tomorrow to check him out, but we agreed that it would be too dangerous to transfer him there. He'll be staying here for now. I'm fairly certain that Mr Potter is in a coma," Madam Pomfrey informed the three. Hermione choked back a sob when she heard the word 'coma', "Unfortunately here isn't a way to wake someone from a coma using magic, so we just have to wait and see."

"Thank you," Draco said.

Coma. That's better than death, Draco told himself, it's still something.

* * *

Draco stayed by his side all day until Pomfrey made him go back to his dorm, where he fixed Harry's bedsheets and arranged his books. He tidied up Harry's side of the room to be clean for when he returned. Because he will. He will return.

As Draco was about to slip into his own bed, he noticed a piece of parchment on it. The writing was atrocious, so, naturally, it was Harry's.

 

> _Draco, Ron and Hermione._
> 
> _I'm sorry it had to end like this, but there's nothing else for me to do. I can't carry on living like I am. Hopefully, by the time I decided to go along with my plan, you would have forgotten me and carried on with your lives like I was never there._
> 
> _I'm sorry I wasted your time to care for me only for it to end like this, but this way you won't have to any more. You can have your life without me making more unnecessarily problems. Hermione, you can be happy with Ron without a third wheel. Draco, you can concentrate on your studies and live your life like I was never there, which I think you would like very much. Ron, you won't have to worry about being 'Harry Potter's best friend' you will be you, and I'm sorry for making you that person. It was never my intention to take your lives away from you, but now I'm giving back what I've taken._
> 
> _Hopefully I'll already be dead by the time you read this. Please, don't carry on thinking about me. Please, just forget about me altogether. It'll be for the better, I promise. I won't be a burden on you any more._
> 
> _Draco, I put this on your bed with the hope that you pass it on to Hermione and Ron, but this part is specially for you._
> 
> _I didn't know how attached to you I would get. I had to cut things off before I hurt you with the way I lived. We've gotten close over the time you cared for me. Thank you for that. I never had someone, other than the Weasley's, care so much for me. But it broke my heart to see you wasting your time on a lost cause, but now you won't have to worry. I'm in a better place, and you should not spare one thought on me._
> 
> _Seeing as I'm never going to see you again, I think it'll be customary to confess some things._
> 
> _First of, I never meant what I said that morning. I realised how relaxed you made me, just by the touch of the hand you made a terrible nightmare go away. I only said those things for your own good. I said those things because I knew you wouldn't give up on trying to make me better. I felt disgusting with myself when I said them, and I'm sorry._
> 
> _I only did it because I care for you. I didn't want you to be felt wounded after I inevitable explode. I said those things because I-_

The rest of the letter was scribbled out. Draco's tears fell on the parchment. He put it on his desk and climbed into bed. Was that really how Harry felt? Like a burden? An unnecessarily problem? A lost cause?

Draco had to find a way to make him feel important. Like he wasn't a lost cause. And he will. When Harry gets back. Because he will.

Draco watched the door. He used to sit like that for hours, waiting for Harry to come back. Now he knew where he was. It was relaxing but scary at the same time. But in no time he'll have Harry back. He will.

Sleep took his over as his mind was filled with the thought of Harry waking up. Because he will.

* * *

"What did I do?" Draco asked the unconscious Harry, "I was meant to take care of you. I was meant to prevent this. I failed you."

Harry didn't reply. Draco seemed to have forgotten Ron, who was sitting next to him as he spoke to Harry in a hushed voice. They were waiting for Hermione, who was speaking to Healer Evans about Harry's condition.

"Healer Evans just left. He confirmed that it is a coma. He said that he's stable but has some internal injuries they can care for magically, but no one can predict when he's going to wake up." Hermione said as she came back and pulled up a chair for herself.

"That's good, right? He's going to be just fine. And a lot of people wake up from comas. It's fine.. right?" Draco asked, anyone could see that he was getting quite hysterical.

"Yes, a lot of people do wake up from comas..." Hermione said, whether it was to comfort Draco or herself, she didn't know.

The room fell into silence. The only thing that made sound was a little ball of light floating above Harry. Healer Evans placed it there, it was attached to Harry's chest, beeping along with his heart.

It was reassuring to hear that beeping. It gave Draco hope that Harry will be with him again.

"Draco..." Hermione said quietly, as if scared of the question, "Do you... Do you have feelings for Harry?"

The question took Draco aback. He knew he found him good looking, he figured that out years ago. He knew he was gay, even though no one else did.

"I..." He started. He cared for him. He felt like he was responsible for his happiness. He didn't know if he had feelings for him. He wasn't thinking about himself, he was thinking about Harry's well being. The note left on his bed stirred up something inside Draco. He felt like he had to make Harry feel loved, but did Draco love him? Or fancy him?

"If you do then that's good. I can see how much you care for him," Hermione said, looking at Draco with pleading eyes, "And if you do, make sure to tell him when he wakes up. He needs to know how much people care for him. He needs that reassurance."

"I... I never really.. thought about it. I was thinking about Harry's health instead of my feelings," Draco admitted.

"I get it. Just.. make sure to figure it out before it's too late," Hermione said. She put a hand on Draco's shoulder and smiled.

Ron and Hermione left Draco all alone with Harry for at least 2 hours every day. Draco usually sits and stares at Harry, willing him to wake up, but nothing happens.

* * *

4 days passed since Harry slipped into the coma and Draco went to him everyday after lessons. It was Saturday and Draco just walked into the Hospital Wing when he saw a redhead sitting by Harry's bed. He walked over to see Ginny Weasley holding Harry's hand.

"Weasley," Draco said, "I didn't know you'll be here."

"Oh, I was just leaving," Ginny said as Draco sat on a chair on the other side of Harry's bed.

"Don't leave on my account," Draco said, "I usually just sit here quietly. I won't bother you if you wanted to stay."

"You come here often?" Ginny asked. She was surprised that Malfoy was talking to her without making some joke about poor people, but she didn't show it.

"Everyday. Usually stay until curfew," Draco said, he knew he sounded pretty pathetic, staying with an unconscious person all day everyday, but he wasn't ashamed of it.

"If someone told me last year that Draco Malfoy would stay with Harry Potter everyday I'd have sent them to St. Mungos. People really do change. Thank you, Malfoy," Ginny smiled at him with teary eyes.

Draco didn't know what to say. He never had so many people thanking him and appreciating him. All he's done is save someone who was important to him.

"I spent a lot of time with Potter," Draco said finally, "He told me a lot of things. Some about your family."

Ginny frowned but nodded.

"I wanted to say sorry for all the things I said," Draco sighed, "I didn't know how much your family really meant to Harry. I had a rivalry with him, not you or your brother."

"It's fine, like I said, people change," Ginny smiled again and stood up.

She left the Hospital Wing, leaving Draco to think about what she said. People change. He didn't have to blindly follow his parents any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The injuries Harry made after the fall might be a bit wrong, even though I did try research it to make the fic more realistic, I couldn't find anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**a week since fall-**

 

On Monday, Draco found Hermione and Ron sitting on the Gryffindor table and walked over, attracted a bit too many eyes, but he didn't care.

"He left this," Draco said and placed Harry's note on the table in front of Hermione and Ron.

"Sit," Hermione offered. Draco looked around. He didn't have anyone to sit next to at the Slytherin table, but a few people were giving him curious looks. He sat next to Hermione.

"When did you find it?" Ron asked as he buttered up a slice of toast.

"The night he did it. So seven days ago," Draco said. He was expecting a shouting match with Ron, he was expecting him to shout at him for keeping it to himself that long. But nothing happened.

"Did we actually make him feel like this?" Hermione said. She was getting teary as she reached the end of the note. Draco decided to leave the part which was specially dedicated to him. He wanted Hermione and Ron to see the full thing.

"I guess. When he wakes up we can't have him thinking that..." Draco said. _when, not if._

"Yeah, you're right. When he does, we have to do something about it. This is so awful," Hermione's voice cracked as she leaned into Ron. She was shaking with sobs as Draco grabbed some toast, making sure not to make eye contact with any of the Gryffindors.

"I'm going to him before lessons start, do you two want to join?" Draco asked as he sipped some coffee. He never goes to Harry before lessons start, but he was missing him, he hasn't spoken to him in months. He couldn't hear his voice, but seeing him and talking to him was enough, even if Draco never got a response.

"Sure, we have Arithmancy together first period, don't we?" Hermione said as she brushed away her tears. Draco nodded, quickly finishing his toast so he could see Harry as soon as possible. He saw Ron and Hermione finishing their food and standing. He hasn't finished yet, but still stood and walked out of the Great Hall alongside them.

"It's only been a week.. He's going to wake.." Hermione was muttering to Draco, who was nodding along.

When they reached the doors of the Wing, they pushed it open to see Madam Pomfrey shouting her head off.

"I WILL NOT HAVE CAMERAS POINTED AT MY PATIENTS!" She roared as a flash came from a crowd surrounding Harry's bed. Draco felt anger shoot through him as he and the Gryffindors watched the reporters take pictures and furiously mutter to their Quick Quote Quills.

"Madam, what's happening?" Hermione ran towards Pomfrey as she tried rushing the people away to no avail.

"Reporters," She muttered.

Hermione tried pulling the curtain to cover Harry's bed, but a reporter shoved her out the way, Ron ran towards her as she fell to the floor.

Ron turned to the reporter and shouted "OI-!"

" _REDUCTO!_ " Draco's voice shouted as the blue spark reached a reporter's camera. It shattered into pieces, leaving the reporter dumbfounded, staring at the pieces on the floor.

"Out of here!" Draco shouted, some rushed out, in fear that their equipment would be destroyed too, but the more dedicated ones stayed and looked at Draco with raised eyebrows.

It took them a second to get back to their previous tasks of taking pictures and writing reports. One even took a picture of Hermione and Ron. And one of Draco with his wand pointing directly at him.

" _Levicorpus!_ " Draco shouted, the spell hitting the photographer and suspending him by his ankles in mid-air. Draco contemplated casting a _Crucio_ for a while, but then remembered that it wasn't the best idea.

"OUT!" Draco shouted again, the rest of the reporters shuffled out, muttering something about getting enough for their article. Draco said _'Liberacorpus_ ' in his head and the photographer dropped on the floor, smashing his camera. He rushed out the room.

"How did they get inside?" Ron asked, looking at Madam Pomfrey, who was picking up a chair that was dropped on it's side.

"No idea, they just barged in here and started taking pictures," She looked at the three with her hands on her hips, "Thank Merlin you three came."

"Maybe they are Animagi?" Hermione asked, looking from Ron to Draco.

"Like Rita.." Draco agreed, but shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts and walked towards Harry, "All that didn't impact his health at all?"

"Shouldn't have.." Pomfrey said, "You have 10 minutes until class.." She walked out.

"It's going to be in the _Daily Prophet_ by tomorrow," Hermione said, sighing.

"Well, it was going to be sooner or later. The Chosen One can't take one step without the _Daily Prophet_ making an article about it," Draco sighed too, he was so tired. He was loosing sleep over all the worry. It's only been a week but he was starting to doubt that Harry will wake. He had to, though. Draco would go crazy if he didn't. He wouldn't bare it.

"You're muttering, Draco," Hermione said. Draco realized he said all his thoughts out loud, "He will wake up. Don't worry."

* * *

Hermione was wrong, it wasn't out for the next few days, Draco suspected they wanted to make the article extra, dripping with lies. The next few days were normal, nothing happened. Draco fell into the routine of going to Harry before going to lesson. He didn't know how to cope. He started losing hope of ever hearing Harry's voice again.

* * *

**Twelve Days Since Fall**

The _Daily Prophet_ containing the article about Harry came 5 days after the reporter incident. They wrote about his suicide attempt and his medical condition, how ever the Hell they got the information. Everyone knew that Harry was in the Hospital Wing and in a coma, but didn't know why. Until the article. Draco put away the newspaper to get back to his breakfast (which he was having at the Gryffindor table).

"Oh no.." Hermione moaned as she opened the _Prophet_ and nudged Draco with her elbow so he looked at the newspaper.

He saw himself pointing his wand at the camera before it was dropped. He groaned in exasperation at how predictable it was that his stunt was going to be in the _Prophet.  
_ The article below made him sigh in annoyance.

 

> **Former Death Eater, Draco Malfoy, Attacks Innocent Photographer!**
> 
> _Draco Malfoy, son of the convicted Death Eater Lucius Malfoy, attacked a photographer yesterday by using a_ Levicorpus.  _The spell suspended the victim in mid-air by their ankle. Draco Malfoy didn't have any reason to assault the photographer, who was just doing his job. The Former Death Eater has earlier destroyed a camera of a different reporter and threatened others with his wand.The reporters were taking photographers and writing reports on Harry Potter condition after getting permission from the school matron, Poppy Pomfrey._
> 
> _Was Draco Malfoy jealous of the attention The Boy Who Lived is getting, even when unconscious? It isn't a secret that the pair of them were rivals in their previous years at Hogwarts. Why was he in the Hospital Wing in the first place? Was he trying to sabotage Harry Potter's health? Many_ Daily Prophet  _readers expressed their opinion on him returning to the school, none of which were positive. Would this be the last straw? Is Harry Potter's health at danger with criminals like the Former Death Eater walking around freely? Read more in the next issue, where we will interview authorities at Hogwarts._

"Maybe I should legally change my name to 'Former Death Eater'?" Draco asked as he finished reading the article. He didn't care. He might get a bit of hate mail, nothing different. He knew that McGonagall along with all the other teachers and students know that he hasn't done nothing of the sort and was Harry's friend. He wasn't scared of expulsion, because he knew the HeadMistress wouldn't listen to a word the _Daily Prophet_ said.

When Draco finished his breakfast, he went to lessons, deciding not to visit Harry before class today. He had DADA first. He made his way to the dungeons, very aware of the stares he's been getting from the students. He was starting to get annoyed when Anthony Goldstein walked up to him.

"Malfoy," He stopped Draco, "I just wanted to say that it sucks. What the _Prophet_ is saying about you. I know you and Potter were friends."

"Oh.." Draco was quite surprised. He never even spoke to Goldstein. But he found comfort where he could find it, "Thanks, Goldstein. You wouldn't know if people actually believe the Hippogriff shit they've been writing?"

"So far I only heard people saying that you wouldn't hurt Potter, but if someone says anything else, just know it isn't true, okay?" Anthony put a hand on Draco's shoulder, and slowly moved it down his arm. Draco acknowledged this, but said nothing.

"Yeah.." Draco stared at Goldstein, wondering what on earth he was trying to do, but tried to act natural, "I have to go to class now.."

"Sure, me too. We have DADA together, don't we?" Goldstein said and motioned for Draco go forward. Draco obeyed, but stayed alert; he wasn't used to people being nice without a motive. Draco was still trying to find some reason why Anthony would speak to him.

* * *

**Thirteen Days Since Fall**

Draco hurried down the corridors to his Potions class. He woke up late, due to falling asleep late from staying with Harry just a bit past curfew. Pomfrey caught him at 12am next to his bed, and sent him to his dorm. But he was caught by Filch on the way, who sent him to McGonagall, who let him go because of the circumstances. He was thankful that he didn't get detention, he didn't want to waste any time when he could be next to Harry.

He got in the habit of telling him what happened that day. It was crazy to speak to an unconscious person, he knew, but it gave him some comfort. He didn't need a response, he figured, just seeing and talking to Harry was good.

He got to his class to see that all the chairs were taken. Except the one next to Goldstein. He was cautious next to him, but he still sat down. He found out that they will be doing a paired practical.

Potions went by well, Draco worked with Anthony. They were making Alihosty Draught, making the class be filled with maniacal laughter. Draco, however, didn't feel like laughing, but he did regardless; the fumes from the potion made him.

He was sad, depressed even. He realised that he spent all his time worrying about Harry, spending time by his bed, he lost sleep because he was worrying about him. He stopped caring about his health because all that was on his mind was Harry. He felt tears of forced laughter fall down his face as he stirred the potions.

He put the lid on his cauldron and the fumes were cut off, leaving him with an aching face from all the laughter. He wiped  the tears from his cheeks before sitting down on his chair and doodling in his notebook. He set off the wand alarm and got lost in his thoughts. Was it wise to care about Harry more than himself? He didn't even know if he will wake up! Draco felt like he was going insane. He was getting hysterical, felt like crying because he couldn't stop thinking about Harry. He had to wait for him to wake up...

"Malfoy.. You okay?" Goldstein placed a hand on Draco's shoulder. It lingered longer than usual. Draco noted that in his mind. Was Goldstein trying to do what he thought he was?

"Yes, I'm just tired. I haven't been getting much sleep, but it's fine," Draco rubbed the back of his neck. He felt Goldstein move behind him and put both his hands on Draco's shoulder's, massaging them. Draco stiffened, but he had to admit, it was relaxing.

"You gotta relax, Draco..." Goldstein whispered, saying Draco's name slowly. Draco sighed, not because he was relaxing, but because his suspicions were right. Anthony Goldstein was trying to get in his pants.

His head started reeling. Why shouldn't he get it on with Anthony? He wasn't with Harry, but it felt like he was cheating on him. He felt like it was wrong, but he kept telling himself that it wasn't- he wasn't with Harry! Somehow he felt guilty by just thinking about it. He decided to stop thinking about it and just go with the flow. He's dedicating his life to Harry, he isn't even conscious! 

How hysterical Draco was getting, he didn't know. But Hermione watched him relax under Goldstein's arms, she knew Harry's condition was getting to him. The months they spent together, she learned a lot about him, and he was just trying to find a safe place to land on, even if it's someone he barely knows. Hermione had to do something, she knew it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted Harry, but how could she make him realise that? She formed a plan as she added 4 Fairy Wings to her Alihosty Draught.

* * *

**Fourteen Days Since Fall**

Hermione sat next to Ron in the Hospital Wing. She noticed that Draco wasn't there, and frowned.

"Where's Draco?" Hermione asked.

"Probably asleep in his dorm. He told me to cover for him in lessons. He's really getting unhealthy because of this," Ron said. He started to worry about Draco too, they spent so much time together, Ron became his friend.

"Oh," She said, "Did you see him with Goldstein in Potions yesterday? I'm worried for him."

"Goldstein was acting weird, wasn't he?" Ron asked, "Don't think he's trying to seduce Draco?"

"Precisely what I think," Hermione said.

"I was joking.." Ron said, "But why would he? I mean, Draco's friend is in a coma, a little sensitivity?"

"Yes, Draco's friend is in a coma, making him weak and in need of support. I've gotten to know him, and I think he's starting to loose it. I think missing Harry is getting to him, he's getting hysterical. I don't know what to do, Ron. I know he loves Harry! I know it, he doesn't want Goldstein, he's just using him to stabilise himself, and Goldstein is letting him because that was his plan all along," Hermione said. She was starting to worry about Draco. She felt a little guilty that she's worrying about Draco more than Harry, but figured there's little she can do about Harry, but she can still help Draco.

"Who would have guessed that Ravenclaws are so devilish." Ron sighed.

"He isn't thinking straight- Draco. He's just settling for the only source of comfort. There's little we can do.. but Goldstein can make him forget Harry... I'm so worried."

"Don't worry, 'Mione," Ron put an arm around his girlfriend, "He's going to realise what he really wants soon enough. I know it, Harry's going to wake up and he's going to be sane again."

"Yeah..."

She was doubtful.

 


End file.
